i've missed xanga. i was faithful blogger with xanga. a little less faithful with myspace. not faithful at all with facebook. facebook has really just become (for most people, i think) a way to get into everyone's business but not have to interact. isn't that sad? anyway...
i've been learning lately how much harder it is to learn now, being older, than it was as a child. it was so much easier to believe in things. i feel like i've become so cynical lately. and so very apathetic. not like i chose to not care about things, a lot of things have just slipped through the cracks... really important things.
i want those things to be important again. i want to be in awe the way i once was. i want to have the same motivation. the same drive and passion. i've been blaming it on the fact that it has taken us so long to settle where we're at... we're now in our own adorable apartment which i love, johnny's in school and i'm so proud, i'm a (a, not THE) manager/keyholder at mardel, but as far as church, well... we've been visiting churches (really, only 2) for the year that we've been living here in longview, and we've yet to join anywhere. therefore, we haven't been too terribly involved...
i guess it's difficult because i had grown up in the same place all my life. i'd only made one move in my entire life, and that wasn't a change of residence, just church homes, and that was traumatic enough for me. i was still really young then though, and it was easier for me to adjust.
i'm so thankful i have johnny... he helps keep me together. he's honestly the most understanding person i know. God definitely paired us perfectly. when i've been so unsure about so much in myself, he's never hesitated to smile at me with assurance.
anyway, for anyone who may end up reading this blog, i apologize. hopefully, entries won't always be this depressing. take me as a plant that's been trimmed near the root, and i'm just learning to grow again, how to take certain familiar steps all over.
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