and it has indeed, been a happy anniversary.

it. has. been. a. wooooooooonderful day. i surprised johnny with a picnic and quite possibly the best chocolate cake i've ever had, aaaaand a fossil watch, which he loved. want to know what he got me?

A GUITAAAARRRRRRRR!!!!!! o yes. and i love her.

two years ago today at ten in the morning, i awoke and felt very... calm. surprisingly. i mean, brides on their wedding day are supposed to be freaking out, right? and getting up at 5am and aggravating everyone to no end with limitless details?

well johnny and i didn't really have a stressful wedding day like that. i suppose because we didn't have as much detail as other weddings. our wedding day was really laid back, actually. i slept in, as stated above, came downstairs and ate podnuh's (great sausage...) with ryan, milah, and my parents. then i went back to bed, slept a little more, then got up to shower and get ready for the wonderful event! it was seriously easy. i had the most amazing and loving people around me helping me, and just being there.

everything went beautifully, despite the fact that we didn't have a rehearsal. but it was kind of nice like that... everything was absolutely and completely fresh. mind you, there really wasn't that much to rehearse, because we had it very short. so we just went with it. there were a few small details we didn't really think about until we were in the moment. like, not knowing what to do with my bouquet once we joined hands. and where to put his ring since i didn't have someone next to me holding it (we decided last minute for me to hold it on my thumb). we had no idea what danny (the close friend that married us) would say, but it was great. the only thing that didn't go too great was getting to our house that night and coming to find that we didn't have our house keys. sooo... we waiting in the parking lot of wendy's for my brother to bring us the keys. i'll never forget the look on his face.

so what has changed these two years? i've realized only more how blessed i am to be his. we have both unearthed the stupid myths and suspicions both guys and girls have about eachother. more importantly we've grown in our love for eachother, and have come to realize what love really means...

we also still lose our keys at least once a week. i guess it keeps things interesting. ;)

i scream.

so. icecream. i LOVE icecream. and my favorite icecream is bluebell's birthday cake. it seriously, and i mean SERIOUSLY, cannot be beaten. other icecream makers have tried in vain to make a birthday cake icecream as well. none of them compare. and bluebell's birthday cake is hard to find. i think it must be seasonal? anyway, i got quite emotional in walmart a couple weeks ago when i finally found 3 half-gallons of it on the shelf. so after embarrassing myself (and my husband) in all of my excitement, i grabbed 2 of those cartons and went home very happy.

anyway, i didn't actually intend on going on about birthday cake (but at least you know now just how good it is). i actually intended on commenting about a NEW flavor of theirs called butter crunch. now, i'm the type of person that isn't the best about trying something new. if i already have my favorite, and that favorite is available, why risk trying something new and finding it to be so much more unsatisfying than what you already know would have been perfectly good? BUT... i stepped out of box, and tried the butter crunch. if you like butterfingers, then you will love butter crunch icecream. i'm not sure it's better than birthday cake, but i think i could actually rate it above cookies and cream.

who has the free time to read this nonsense, anyway?

by the way, call me crazy... but i plan on putting up my christmas tree within the next couple of weeks. i'm already listening to christmas music. i've already bought some christmas presents and made my christmas card list. i've always loved christmas... but if it weren't for retail, i don't think i'd get as excited about it so early in the year. but having to see it all the time puts me in the mood for it. and there's nothing wrong with being prepared right? really prepared...

ok, so on a serious note... i've noticed myself in a much better mood the last couple of days. i honestly haven't felt this good in quite some time. and i didn't really notice that i must have been feeling so bad. anyhoo... i think i'm on my way to a bit of recovery for my insecurities. i think that's what all of this is about, anyway. i mean, i still see all the reasons for my insecurities, but i guess i'm trying to look at it in a "it'll get better" sort of way. i can improve. i don't have to sit here and hate myself every day, because that really doesn't help anyhow. soo... we'll see what happens. i'll try to stay in the same mood.

still learning...

finally. FINALLY. i have a blog...

i've missed xanga. i was faithful blogger with xanga. a little less faithful with myspace. not faithful at all with facebook. facebook has really just become (for most people, i think) a way to get into everyone's business but not have to interact. isn't that sad? anyway...

i've been learning lately how much harder it is to learn now, being older, than it was as a child. it was so much easier to believe in things. i feel like i've become so cynical lately. and so very apathetic. not like i chose to not care about things, a lot of things have just slipped through the cracks... really important things.

i want those things to be important again. i want to be in awe the way i once was. i want to have the same motivation. the same drive and passion. i've been blaming it on the fact that it has taken us so long to settle where we're at... we're now in our own adorable apartment which i love, johnny's in school and i'm so proud, i'm a (a, not THE) manager/keyholder at mardel, but as far as church, well... we've been visiting churches (really, only 2) for the year that we've been living here in longview, and we've yet to join anywhere. therefore, we haven't been too terribly involved...

i guess it's difficult because i had grown up in the same place all my life. i'd only made one move in my entire life, and that wasn't a change of residence, just church homes, and that was traumatic enough for me. i was still really young then though, and it was easier for me to adjust.

i'm so thankful i have johnny... he helps keep me together. he's honestly the most understanding person i know. God definitely paired us perfectly. when i've been so unsure about so much in myself, he's never hesitated to smile at me with assurance.

anyway, for anyone who may end up reading this blog, i apologize. hopefully, entries won't always be this depressing. take me as a plant that's been trimmed near the root, and i'm just learning to grow again, how to take certain familiar steps all over.