job search.

Well, I'm not the avid blogger I hoped to be with not having to work and all... But I found other things to fill my time with, not to mention that our last move put us in an area inaccessible to wifi. My Aunt and Uncle next door still have dial up. No joke.

Anyways, the latest news for you is that it looks like I'll be looking for a work again. I won't say it's definite, and I'm not sure how soon. But I'm pretty sure. For now I'm leaving off the details because my focus is more... What in the world I'm going to do. 

I'll be honest. Every time it's come to this point in my life (new job/job search), I panic. I worry so much over it. And anytime I'm stressed, my body takes the initiative to match my mental stress with reactions that make absolutely no sense. There was one time years ago my toes were completely numb for two months. The old stand by is horrible stomach cramps. But this time around, my body is doing something new. Chest pains and wheezing. What??? I mean, I really feel like a loser for this. And it's of course out of my control. Any time I've talked myself out of being stressed mentally, my body continues to rebel. Awesome. 

It shouldn't be this way. Seriously, nearly everyone works. It's what we do. Everyone has a job. Why does it have to be such a big deal? But I flip out. I do. Maybe it comes down to the fact that I don't feel like I have too much to my credit. I mean, I don't have a degree, really any college experience. I have other experience. I've been a full time nanny, salon receptionist, house cleaner, and have worked a couple of retail gigs. And despite working in those different areas for a few years each, and having experience with the exact type of people I'd like to avoid, I feel totally unprepared to step back into it all. 

The truth is, people can be rather rotten. And though I know how to be friendly, I'm finding out more and more than I'm actually more of an introvert. I have a very select few people I'm ok with being around at almost any time. But otherwise, I really like to be by myself. I'll say it again. I KNOW how to be friendly, and social. And it's easy to do it with people who reciprocate. I just hate running into the people who set you up for failure by being THAT person who, despite your best efforts can NOT make them happy. I really know how to let those people drain me of any possible hope to have a better day from then on out. 

Do I sound completely pitiful yet?

So I can't sleep for thinking... What AM I doing to do? I've been lying here thinking of my qualities, while also thinking of the things I really DON'T want to do. I'm good at customer service, have organizational skills, integrity, am committed to doing a job honestly and right... I like to decorate... I don't like... To get yelled at, deal with snooty women, senile seniors, or intimidating men. Which you know, is pretty unavoidable. I have next to no necessary kind of computer experience. I refuse to push anything on people. Especially things they don't need. 

I've never wanted to BE anything... Except the wife of my husband. Only dream I ever had, and am happily living it. So you see why this puts me in a bind. I know most argue that a job isn't something to enjoy. But I would really like to find one I could enjoy... So if you toss those details about myself together, what do you get? Because I've got nothing... I mean, nothing. And what's more depressing is that I'm sending this question out there, and I'm highly unlikely to get any replies. 

But if any of you out there know of a position for someone to be given different areas, rooms or displays to organize and decorate, I'm your woman. I don't have any credentials to back me up on that, but I'd be more than happy to be tested and given a chance to show what I can do. 

Have a lovely night...

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